THE END

So, I'm close to finishing The Imperi's Deception. I knew it was coming.

Not the end,  I mean the block that I have.

I have a tedious mind, and every single time I get close to finishing a book, I get bored of it and sort of stop writing for a while. No matter how hard I try, I can't write. It happens in every single book I write.

Prisim aka my clone pointed out that it was my bread and butter story and that's probably why I don't want it to end.

Which I mean, in a way is true. It is the only story that I'm writing right now that has consistent reads/votes/comments. So it would make sense that I can't get anything out of it...because my fans don't want it to end--so neither do I, right?

WRONG.

Okay, the same exact thing happened with Ultimate Price. & when I was writing that literally no one was reading it. No one. At all.

It was sad. I had no readers.

Eventually, I did get like one who did the occasional vote & comment, but when I was writing it no one was there commenting for an upload. In retrospect, I have NO idea how I finished that story. It always seemed boring to me (a lot of the chapters were) so I didn't even know if I liked it, until I got farther and my characters (sort of) grew a personality.

So I don't think it has to do with other people's influence. It's inside. (of me) Okay I really need to work on my word phrasing.

This happened with the first book I ever finished. With that one, I was on like this word sprint I seriously got AT LEAST 15,000 words a day over three days. It was crazy, and when I was writing, I was just taken away by all that was happening because back then I didn't plan. & the story took its own turns and it was writing itself.

It was exciting.

(That kind of speed writing hasn't happened since though :/)

This was when I was...14? I think the summer before high school, but it might've been earlier. Frankly, I don't care.

All I'm saying is that I was making mad speed. And everything was so exciting. I remember blasting Fall Out Boy in my ears as my fingers pounded across my brother's laptop, and  I was grinning, and my heart was racing, and as the words poured out of me, the scenes were playing through my head, and I realized I was about to finish it.

This was only like 6k words before the end. It seems to happen earlier and earlier with each book I write.

Okay so that was super nostalgic. But I seriously just stopped. I gave myself a pep talk in my head once I realized it was going to be over. It was something along the lines of: Write! Do it. You, stupid bitch, finish a book for once. How can you ever be a writer when you can't even finish a book? **** 

Lol I'm kidding. This is back in the day when I barely swore & was completely innocent.

But I forced myself to get back into it, and once I did, the pace picked up again and I was so excited and my head was spinning as all of this happened.

Ah, I really want to rewrite that book, thinking about it now.

Ahem.

But that was when I didn't have anyone but myself.

The only time this didn't happen was with my Nano, but that was cause I was focused on word count. I actually finished it at like 48k, which funnily enough is only about 10k more than Band Camp, my SHORT story. Yeah I've come a long way.

I ended up adding an unnecessary epilogue and finished at a little over 50k words.

But otherwise, every single time I got close to finishing a book (short stories don't count) I just...clam up.

Obviously I have no excuse with The Wyvern's Tale, that's just a case of Iyanna-is-being-meh-right-now

I'm not really sure what brings it on? 

Oh ha, forgot about TNS....I can't remember finishing it. That book was a blur & it was completed quickly within like a few months. Maybe less....but thinking about it...okay that one was an anomaly. I really don't remember writing anything in it. Except the toilet scene, which my immature mind still laughs at sometimes.

But I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER.

Every single time I'm almost done...I just stop and can't write anymore.

Is it because of the characters?

NO! Most of the books I've written had planned sequels: The Nano, the first book I finished, TNS.....

Ultimate Price is the only one that is standalone & something really specific happens at the end, so there really can't be a sequel. I decided to leave that ending to the reader's imagination because I've read books where something happens, and in my head, I so badly wanted it to go along the different path. So, even though as the writer I have my version of what happened (sort of) I want to leave it to the reader to make their own ending. I think those books can be the best (and most frutrating) 

I didn't like writing that one until halfway through and so I didn't properly get close with the characters. Though Ben made me cry. *sigh*

Is it because of the plot? Would I miss something specific? 

Again, that could be it...but I have planned sequels. The first book was super interesting. It was a chilldren's high fantasy & it was a lot of fun. But it was a part of a trilogy (at the time) 

Ultimate Price's world wasn't that exciting the first time around. You only got the mermaids for about two chapters out of thirty. The rest was sort of...teen fiction-y with the addition of Lillyana wanting to kill Ben for the first twelve chapters...(I'm really talking up my baby, huh? It'll change in the rewrite so who knows)

But there weren't elements in it that I would miss. Same with The Imperi's Deception, I have two more books after it in the series. Plus, I write about witches/wizards/magical beings ALL the time. So there can't be anything....

Maybe it's the consistency of having something to write?

That could be it. You know, I like change but sometimes things change so fast you can't even catch your breath, so maybe I like having something constant in my life. Be it a set of characters or a world that I can always escape into. 

This is the concept that makes the most sense to me. 

HOWEVER, I have so many ideas. I'm just buzzing with them. They leak out of me. okay that sounded awkward. Like I should go to a doctor for that shit.

I have so MANY books to write that I'll always have the consistency of WRITING. Even if it's new characters and a new universe with new rules. It's like moving on to something even more extraordinary. Like a small town to a big city. It's exciting, exhilirating. & when you start something new it's always easy to write, it's the middle/ending bit that's a bitch (for me, at least) 

I move on. I can. It's the same as reading books. We can't dwell over our favorites forever, we have to go read new ones. Try new genres, right? With reading, you can always reread. With writing, aside from the editing part, you don't have that luxary. 

But you can revisit the world. Even if it's not written out on paper, you can go back to the characters in your mind, watch them grow up...laugh and smile with them again like they're old friends.

Okay I might be a tiny bit insane, but that's okay. 

So I don't know what it is. 

Maybe it's just that I've never been very good at goodbyes.  I don't like them. Goodbye implies that you won't see each other again, at least not for a long while. And I'm a firm believer in miracles and coincidences, the world is way too big that you should ever have to truly say goodbye to someone. 

But I'm not saying goodbye.

I guess...I just don't like endings. Is there anything more foreboding than the words: The End? 

They're both exhilarating and heartbreaking.

On one hand, you finished. On the other, that's it. There's nothing else. Nothing left. 

And that hurts. 

Now I'm just going in circles, because for most books it's not really the end. Even if it's a standalone. I can revisit the characters. Maybe write spin-offs.

I honestly can't figure it out. And it's bothering me. I have a problem with finishing books. Every single time. Most people realize they're almost done and sprint the last lap, right? Me? I just sit there and close up and don't open the dang document. Or if I do, I stare blankly at it. 

I have no idea what's wrong with me.

If you truly read all of that, wow you're either really bored or really awesome, or both. Maybe you can help  me? 

Because I want  to finish. I need to finish.