HAHAHAHAAHAHA life

Hahahahaah remember when I had all those plans?


LOLOLOL remember when I thought I was actually going to meet all my goals?

AND get straight A's????

REMEMBER???

Remember when I thought I'd finish ID in June?

LOL and it's almost October and I'm still on the struggle with school/friends/writing and I haven't updated in two weeks

Anyway, so I haven't blogged in a while (I apologize) & I was hoping to have a more optimistic post about editing TNS/ UP but....apparently life has decided to not work out that way. So...here's what's new in my life//me complaining about how ID is killing me softly with this chapter (the usual)

Basically, I've asked everyone for help with starting this next chapter. Like I asked Asiah (aka Musiq4lyf) and she gave me a great suggestion that I ran with for two paragraphs before realizing it was too passive and didn't match the pacing that I wanted this chapter to have.

So then I went to Yasmin and then my dad.

The problem is, people tell me things and I'm like um no Muffy would never do that or what? that wouldn't make sense at Bellows.

Like my dad said stuff about guns and he was trying REALLY hard to help me, I could tell, but he just didn't get the story. Like explaining it out loud sounds so stupid. I was like, "Well in the last chapter, her father woke up from a coma and her principal got poisoned and then in this one SPOILERS."

And he just kind of laughed like what the fuck are you writing?

But ugh. I think it's one of those things where I need to figure it out myself *sigh*

Anyways, other than that, school has been...going.

I'm getting good grades, the college class is sketchy, I really need to stop being so awkward and talk to the professor about the vocab quizzes and how I've been doing on them (not very good i'm sure) but I got an A on my first paper

Anyways, precalc quiz tomorrow and I just studied for an hour with my father, who made me feel inferior and retarded the entire time. Like (he's a math professor) he wanted to do things differently than how I learned them and I got confused. The thing is, I know this stuff, I just know I'll make dumb mistakes per usual.

OH I'm basically the world's biggest dumbass and in the process of taking off my bibbers I motherfucking BROKE my clarinet. Fixing it costs more than the damn thing did, so I'm borrowing one from the school.

My friend doesn't seem to understand that I don't want to fucking buy one cause she was like, "Girl is selling her old one." 

and i'm like I'm going to be in it one more fucking year don't start with me. I don't want a new Clarinet. Clari was shit but we had an unbreakable bond

except I broke it.

I'm so tired of myself tbh. Like I just keep having these bad thoughts cause I'm so done with being me. I just want to stop existing sometimes. 

Oh and I failed my driver's test for the third time.

Um, let's get to lighter topics...

I went to St. Louis. Here's a pic of an adorable penguin: 

on my way to steal yo girl

A group: 

#uwishuwereus

Well that was about eventful as my year has been. I've been a junior for almost a month and I literally have not accepted it.

yummmm

Food Porn.

OOOH I got this baby for storyboarding (10 dollars at walmart, the slightly smaller one is like 6 or 7 and then 5. I think that's a good deal, right now though I'm using it for it's actual purpose so) : 

My desk: 

That big clipped thing to the left of the comp is the TNS manuscript. The notebook is my ID plan and then the rest of it is less interesting stuff.

Well I think I've sufficiently procrastinated on my chem homework and I'm sure bored all of you (if anyone really read this)

So peace